27 October 2018
It’s been awhile!
It’s funny how random moments of strange and intense emotions – and realisations and discoveries thereafter – usually prompt me to visit my own website and write. A little poke on my face (this time, it was the October 2018 fullmoon in Taurus) made me jump up to my feet and start thinking about choices and directions from out of nowhere.
I’d like to share how grateful I am to continue meeting people who trigger blissful energy, discomfort, and at the same time so much learning for myself. Some people make me. Some people break me, only to let me discover how to make myself whole again.
Living in a small island where small-talk drama is inevitable, emotional and intellectual maturity low and unexplored, and attention is given to the wrong, or rather, unimportant things – it is refreshing to meet people with a sense of zest in life. Some of them are like me – ‘YOLO’ (You Only Live Once) minds and hearts. Others are those who would like to be like me – or are inspired by my way of living, which in turn, inspires me to share even more. Then even others are those who have found themselves over and over again, embracing the sweetness of life, making the most of situations and circumstances. I met people I could easily have deep conversations with – whether under the moon and stars at night, next to the ocean, or in a ‘tapsihan’ while waiting for food to arrive. These conversations about living fully, love, sustaining lifestyles, CO2 emmissions, going zero-waste, chasing dreams and imagining dreamhouses, insert a bit of marriage and child-rearing and human ego – have made me appreciate the value of having real and authentic people in my life. Those people who could speak their minds out, and can stretch out to be less judgmental as possible.
The last three months have reminded me about my ‘going with the flow’ kind of life. Situations, moments, events and open conversations have helped me understand other people’s ways of ‘going with the flow.’ That other people’s ‘chill’ does not need to be ‘my chill,’ and that it is ok to be put in this uncomfortable position where you ask yourself ‘is this really where I am supposed to be?’ THIS question, was/is the million dollar question of my last 3 or so months. And eventually I came to the point when I stopped asking that question and started dancing along with it.
I put myself in a vulnerable spot – engaging with people in situations with very different ways of looking at things.
I put myself in a vulnerable spot – opening up too much to people who might be caught offguard with it.
I put myself in a vulnerable spot – reaching out and putting my best foot forward, not waiting to be acknowledged but to be listened to.
I put myself in a vulnerable spot – to keep giving and giving, not expecting much in return, always appreciative of some form of reciprocity.
That vulnerable spot – is where I hope to grow. Right now, my ‘going with the flow’ seems to be the easiest, but at the same time, most difficult thing to do for me. This is where I hope to find more gratitude for bringing certain people in my life, people who have made me do things I never thought I would ever do, experience moments I never thought were possible, have more empathy and less judgements.
Today, as I slowly see the positive results of staying in Manila (and not flying to Siargao) to heal my wounds (some physical, some not), I have decided to also pack my bags for the North Shore.
To travel to Hawaii in three days seems to be my saving grace – but I also know don’t want to wait three days to be at peace with myself. So I will embrace today as a new day, a new beginning, a new peace, and a new way of going with the flow – always grounded in my truth, and in being real with and to myself.
Don’t get me wrong, at this very moment, I have more questions than answers. But it does not matter. Life is about the journey within those answers and not the answers themselves.
I guess I’ll just have more dancing to do.
Let’s dance (with the flow)?🤙🏼
#Grateful for: human connections